Yesterday was the annual Garden Walk in our fair cities, where gardening is a religion. The Garden Walk is an event where you pay lots of money to walk through other people’s gardens that are much nicer than yours will ever be. Like many religious ceremonies which purport to inspire you to transcend your human flaws and encourage you to be a better person, this one shows you examples of what you should aspire to be, highlights your sins (envy, sloth, greed), and leaves you feeling grovelly and inadequate.
To combat this, my sons and I made fun of the plethora of floppy straw hats and unflattering khaki shorts. Also, as a defense mechanism against my feelings of inadequacy, we made a little list of the ten most inappropriate things you can do on a Garden Walk, which you can read below, and possibly use if you are ever in this situation.