Tiny Holidays Week 2

When you live in a small space, each item matters. There’s no room for a pile of clutter or a piece of furniture you feel half-hearted about. Last week, my Instacart order contained an exceptionally large red onion that didn’t fit in its assigned bowl, and it took up an annoying amount of space on the counter. The kitchen is that tiny. But I like the need to be intentional and that everything can be easily maintained. Extra stuff feels overwhelming.

Along these lines, one of the guiding beliefs of Tiny Holidays is that small details are not only worthy of our attention, but they may be the best places to put our attention. There’s nothing new about being reminded to “stay present” to the tiny details of our lives. But there are two things I think are important to keep in mind.

  1. Only you can give your unique attention. The tiny things you notice can only be noticed by you, with your sensibilities, in your unique way. When you take note of the things that catch your attention, you are making yourself real to yourself. You are here, you are part of things, not more but also not less important than your neighbor who keeps moving the garbage cans outside, the exuberant kid who skips down the aisle at church without a hint of self-consciousness, the two friends who link arms to help a third manage the steps at church. You belong.

  2. Details, as points to put our attention, are so much less overwhelming than broader concepts like justice, spirituality, self-improvement, climate change. And the mundane details of our lives aren’t stand-ins for bigger, grander things that, were we more accomplished or less weary, we’d be able to tackle. They aren’t “all we can mange right now.” I think of them more as doorways to the larger concerns of our lives. That single perfect skim cappuccino with an extra shot in a holiday cup is a little portal to gratitude; the first ice-cold bite of air at the bus stop in the morning reminds me I am not in my parent’s home that often felt so dark and stuffy, the air weighed down with illness and grief. Time has moved on.

I’m so aware that there are times when appreciating small details is too hard; life feels too overwhelming or sad, and stopping for even a moment is scary. The poignancy feels too painful and it’s necessary to just keep pushing forward.

And what if that particular pale square of sunlight behind the palm plant in the early morning is all there is? It can be frightening to accept that degree of immediacy and finality, because even if imagining a grander life experience feels painful and out of reach, it’s something to keep our brains occupied. Focusing on the tiny, present moment is a reminder that there is no backup life in reserve.

But there’s a reason why one of the strategies for managing anxiety attacks is to bring your attention to your immediate present and what you can see, feel, hear, smell; it helps your brain tether itself to the safety of the present. And there’s a reason why, when Mary Oliver writes, “Wherever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination,” we feel profoundly welcomed, deeply included.

One of my favorite songs about the sanctity of the every day is “Holy Now,” by the unassuming but so talented Minnesota singer-songwriter Peter Mayer; maybe you’ll like it too. And this poem by Nikita Gill, an Irish-Indian poet, playwright, writer, and illustrator is a gentle gracious reminder that a small, quiet existence is still existence, is still valuable.

Everyday is not an opportunity
to improve yourself.

Some days are just there
for you to accept yourself
and look at the clouds.

This too is growth.
This too is rising.

Just existing is enough
on some days.

The flowers do it everyday
and make the world more beautiful
just by being here.

So do you.

–Nikita Gill

Tiny Holidays 2024

For most of the ten years since I got divorced, the holiday season has felt rough, or at least something of a struggle. My aunt and I have had a shared countdown—starting in November, it was “get through it and check it off.”

Last Thanksgiving, my Dad had just come home from two weeks in the hospital and two weeks in a nursing facility with a feeding tube and a walker. He was so thin and could only eat soft or blended food. It was a hard time and we knew it would be his last holiday season, but he was still himself—loving, determined, gracious. We celebrated Thanksgiving at my sister’s beautiful, warm home and she and her family created the most magical dinner. My Dad ate mushroom soup, mashed potatoes, and pumpkin pie, drank a Bud Zero, and watched football with his grandsons. It was tender and poignant; we were bracing ourselves for what was coming.

This year, everything is different. I’ve been home in Champaign Urbana for eight months and every day, something else reminds me of how much I love it here. My divorce is long behind me, and the sweet and joyful connections I have with each of my kids continue to heal my heart. This year, I am an interfaith seminary student at One Spirit Learning Alliance. This year, when it comes to the holidays, I am all in.

I’m leaning in to everything the holidays offer: the concerts, the shared meals, the candles that smell like fir trees, the biting cold, the cheesy movies, and the way the light feels both stark and inviting. I’m calling it “Tiny Holidays” because my life is pretty small scale these days—an 8-5 work routine, weekends studying, a modest budget, and a tiny apartment. It’s all very mundane and calming and I love it. I’m so happy to be here, to have made it through a lot of grim years to this hopeful, open-hearted space. And I’m inviting you to join in if you’d like to, to experience these next weeks together, whatever your circumstances are. A tiny, loving, safe, quietly joyful place to celebrate the season.

Today at church, the choir sang, “Every Day is a Day of Thanksgiving,” by Leonard Burke (have a listen to this version by Dr. Charles G. Hayes and The Cosmopolitan Church of Prayer Choir). The refrain is: “God keeps blessing me, blessing me; God opens the door that I might see, God’s blessing me. Everyday God’s blessing me. Everyday is a day of Thanksgiving.” It’s such a good song; how great would it be to feel even a tiny bit of that every day?

So much love,

Leslie

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